Ladies, Let's Redefine Failure and Get That Out of The Way

Feeling like a failure. Time to change that!

Ladies, we've all been there. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when a project doesn't pan out, you didn’t achieve a metric you set, a deal falls through, or a goal remains stubbornly out of reach. We label it failure, and often, that label comes with a heavy dose of self-criticism and disappointment. For years, conventional wisdom has told us that failure is simply not achieving what we set out to do. You didn't hit your sales target? Failure. Your business launch flopped? Failure. Your big presentation didn't land? Failure.

But what if this definition is not only incomplete but also profoundly limiting? What if this approach is completely wrong in its definition and purpose?  What if our traditional understanding of failure is actually holding us back from growth, resilience, and true success? As professionals navigating our careers and striving for more control over our lives, it's time to reframe this powerful concept. It's time to understand that true failure isn't about the outcome; it's about the absence of action when action was needed.

The Shortcomings of How We Typical Define Failure

When we solely define failure by whether we hit a specific target, we become prisoners of circumstance. We tie our worth and progress to external factors that may be beyond our control. Imagine pouring your heart and soul into a new product, only to have a sudden market shift or an unforeseen competitor derail its success. Is that truly a failure on your part if you did everything within your power, if you learned valuable lessons along the way, and if you emerged with new insights?

This outcome-centric view can lead to a paralyzing fear of taking risks. If the mere possibility of not hitting a goal means "failure," then why even try anything ambitious? This mindset rewards us for playing it safe or stepping outside of our comfort zone and truly innovating. This approach to defining failure is not only short-sighted, but it also strips away the immense learning potential that lies within every challenging experience.

Here's A More Impactful and Productive Definition

Think About Changing How You Define Failure

Let's shift our perspective and adopt a definition of failure that empowers us, propels us forward, and encourages continuous growth. I believe true failure is not about external results, but about internal choices and the deliberate avoidance of responsibility or action. Consider these four powerful definitions of true failure:

1.        You did not take action you knew you should. This is perhaps the most critical definition of failure. You had an idea, a strategy, a gut feeling, or even an explicit task that you knew was important, yet you procrastinated, got distracted, or allowed fear to hold you back. The failure isn't that the desired outcome didn't happen; it's that you didn't even give yourself a fighting chance by taking the necessary steps. This could be anything from not sending that crucial email, not following up with a lead, not learning a new skill you knew would benefit your career, or not speaking up in a meeting when you had a valuable insight. And by all means, don’t forget about possibly not following your heart and passion!

2.        You allowed something to happen to you that you could have prevented. This speaks to a lack of proactivity and boundary setting. Did you let a client push you into an impossible deadline when you knew it would compromise the quality of your work? Did you allow a colleague to consistently dump their responsibilities on you without addressing it? Did you neglect self-care to the point of burnout, even though you knew the warning signs? Failure here isn't the negative consequence itself, but your inaction in preventing it. It's about giving away your power when you had the ability to assert it.

3.        You intentionally sabotaged the outcome of an event or activity to your detriment. This is a harder truth to face, but sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. Perhaps a deep-seated fear of success, a need for perfectionism, or a desire to stay in a comfortable, if unfulfilling, situation leads us to unconsciously or even consciously undermine our own efforts. This might manifest as missing deadlines on purpose, picking fights with collaborators, or refusing to delegate effectively because you don't trust others. The failure isn't the negative result, but the deliberate (even if subconscious) act of self-sabotage.

4.        You chose to not care about something that truly matters to you. This is about losing your passion, your drive, or your commitment to something that once ignited your spirit. Maybe you accepted a job because you deeply believed in its mission, but over time, you allowed apathy to set in. Perhaps you once loved a particular aspect of your job, but now you just go through the motions. The failure isn't that the results aren't stellar; it's that you've disengaged from something that holds deep personal value, allowing it to languish due to your indifference.

Try Reframing Like This for Positive Action and Better Outcomes

Rather than defining failure based on circumstances you may or may not control, let’s define it in such a way that actually addresses what you should care about.  Embracing this new definition of failure is incredibly liberating. It shifts the focus from external validation to internal accountability. It encourages a proactive, resilient mindset where learning is paramount and every experience, regardless of its immediate outcome, becomes an opportunity for growth. Here are three habits and thought processes you can adopt to make this reframing a core part of your professional life:

1. The "Did I Do My Part?" Reflection

Instead of immediately dwelling on the outcome, after any project, task, or challenge, ask yourself: "Did I take all the actions I knew I should have?" This question shifts your focus from the external result to your internal effort and choices. If the answer is yes, then regardless of the outcome, you haven't "failed" by our new definition. You've simply experienced a learning opportunity. If the answer is no, then that's your starting point for improvement – not by beating yourself up, but by identifying the specific actions you'll take differently next time. This habit builds a sense of personal responsibility and agency, empowering you to control what you can.

2. Embrace "Productive Discomfort"

Often, our inaction stems from a desire to avoid discomfort – the discomfort of difficult conversations, of learning new technologies, of putting ourselves out there and risking rejection. Recognize that growth rarely happens in comfort zones. Start viewing situations that cause you hesitation or fear as opportunities for "productive discomfort." When you feel that pull to avoid, ask yourself, "What action am I avoiding right now that would lead to growth or prevent a negative outcome?" Then, commit to taking that small, uncomfortable step. This could be making that difficult phone call, initiating a conversation about a problem, or dedicating time to master a new skill. The more you lean into productive discomfort, the more you expand your capacity for action.

3. Cultivate an "Always Learning, Always Adapting" Mantra

This thought process directly counters the fear of not hitting an outcome. Instead of viewing results as binary (success/failure), see them as data points in your ongoing journey of learning and adaptation. If a strategy doesn't yield the expected results, don't label it a failure. Instead, analyze why. What did you learn about the market, your approach, or your audience? How can you adapt your strategy based on these new insights? This mindset fosters resilience and innovation. It allows you to pivot quickly, iterate on ideas, and continuously improve, rather than being stuck in a cycle of self-blame.

By redefining failure as the failure to act, to prevent, to acknowledge, or to care, you reclaim your power. You shift from being a passive recipient of outcomes to an active architect of your journey. This isn't about avoiding mistakes; it's about making sure your mistakes are the result of courageous action and not debilitating inaction. What will you do differently today, knowing that your true power lies in your willingness to act?

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Jodi Henson

Jodi Henson is a small business expert, entrepreneur, professor, author and founder of The Softer Side of Success (www.thesoftersideofsuccess.com).  She works with aspiring and existing small business owners to help them overcome challenges and create actionable plans that keep them moving forward toward their goals.  If you are looking to identify your next steps, contact her at jodi@thesoftersideofsuccess.com.